Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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