ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
