i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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