I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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