wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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