This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
