After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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