She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
