you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
