I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
