whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
