How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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