her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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