yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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