You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You ate ashes out of my bong
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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