My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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