I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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