I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
