eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
