i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
