i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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