Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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