My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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