dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
