My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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