4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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