YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
