Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
