Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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