You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
