I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
