Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
