Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
