I've blown a few things in my day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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