Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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