he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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