that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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