I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
