I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
