so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
