She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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