dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
