Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
