All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
