I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
