I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
