he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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