I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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