just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
