My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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