OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
