I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
