Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
