for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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