Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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