this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
