i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
