I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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