No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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