Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
