Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
