Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
