Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
