im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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