Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
