Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
