Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
