Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
