There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
