nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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