dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
