Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize